I'm having a really fucking hard time lately. I didn't sleep last night. Looking out the window periodically to see the sky becoming lighter makes me so upset. I broke up with my boyfriend last week, he has moved out of the house, and I still feel like it was the worst idea ever. Because I still love him so fucking much and I want to be with him all the time, but he doesn't feel the same about me. I guess you can call me an insane bitch, or high maintenance, or a harpy, or the crazy girlfriend like I know all his friends do, but I'm not apologising for expecting to be treated equally. Nutri-Grain is so fucking wrong. You do NOT get out what you put in. Sometimes you get nothing at all. And I can't deal with that anymore. I know you're reading this, and it's not for you, it's just because I wanted to get this out of my head.
A lot of people I know communicate to their "friends" through trading insults. I refuse to deign someone who hides their true feelings behind insults, with a response. If you want to be my friend, treat me as you would want to be treated, and I'll respond in kind. If you want to tell me constantly how terrible of a human being I am, how I'm just a "ball and chain", then you can't exactly expect me to continue being your friend for much longer.
There's a theory that you only have enough space in your life, enough memory, enough time, for 150 people. Some people have less. I feel like everywhere I turn, everyone I've ever wanted to be around, already has their full quota of people, and I'm not allowed in.
Well...fuck you all. I'm going to Vegas.
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emotional labor
1 year ago
Hey lady... re the last paragraph, I really feel the same way, a lot.
ReplyDeleteI think that a lot of people around 'our age' still have that 'high school' idea of friendship, though. Kind of sucks. But, through the suckiness, you get to understand who your 'real friends' are, the ones who will stick around 'til you're all old & bitter & grey & incontinent?
Hope you're doing ok.
High school mentality is EXACTLY it, I've been thinking about it for a while. I missed out on it because I didn't go to high school, but it's like everyone I know, their best years were high school so they're stuck back there in their heads, and they have this "special" little circle of friends and they won't let anyone else in because they're so "tight" and they "go back". How can you grow as a person if you don't seek out new people who you REALLY like and weren't just forced to like because you happened to sit together in math.
ReplyDeleteSorry...I'm really bitter about that whole thing.
But...that being said...wanna get a beer sometime with me? Or two or three?
I'm in Sydney this weekend but I get back on Sunday, so next next weekend if you're free?
Thanks for the love :)
I'm actually going overseas for 6 weeks tomorrow (!!!), for my brother's wedding, but I'm keen for beers when I get back! I'll let you know ^_^
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