March 11, 2009

Dear Gods of Fashion

Please banish skinny jeans to the realm of otherness.
They do not belong in this world, and they deceptively look like normal pants when I take them off the rack to purchase. Yes, I should be admonished for not trying pants on before I buy, and I repent. I just hate getting naked behind a curtain. And taking off my shoes.
One exception: Noel Fielding may continue to wear his drainpipes.
Please make all black items of clothing not fade in the wash.

Please stop making all my shirt side-seams twist around me. My torso does not twist sideways.

Please send to me a pair of jeans that fit perfectly without requiring taking up, or a belt.

Please stop making every women's shirt with stupid puffy shoulders and sleeves. It looks so dumb.

Please make capes fashionable again. Same goes for crochet dresses.

Please stop putting sequins and jewels on every item of clothing in Valleygirl. I'm not handwashing a fucking $10 shirt.

Please stop making women's shoes so goddamn uncomfortable. Please make flat-heeled knee-high boots more available to me.

Please make women's 'standard' sizes to fit normal people again. Not pre-pubescent twelve-year-olds. They are not women yet. I am a woman. And I am far from plus-size, so please don't try to tell me that I am.


  1. I approve of your views and would like to subscribe to your newsletter!

  2. Definitely hear you on the shoes, and the damn sequins and puffy sleeves...where are normal, non-fashion-slave women supposed to shop?


Thanks for commenting. Zombietron reserves the right to not publish your comment if you choose to be an asshole.
Have a nice day.