February 17, 2009

Personal Leave

My laptop has been broken for the past couple of days, I'm left using my boyfriend's. As such I haven't read any news or blogs and I'm kind of going crazy. Add to this that I'm kind of unable to focus on anything except how much my entire body hurts. I had my first circus class last night. It was a brutal hour and a half of sadism. Lucky I'm a masochist. I feel pain in places I didn't know could feel pain, and I can't lift my arms above my head. All I'm able to do right now is lie still and dream.

So here's a list of things that I would do if I had a full month's paid leave.
  • Obtain a super fancy and comfortable chair shaped like a throne. Cover windows with dark material. Obtain cape. Read Lord of the Rings trilogy while simultaneously playing corresponding Led Zeppelin songs. Legally change my name to something Welsh-sounding with extra apostrophes. Spell the I's with Y's. Name must contain a minimum of one W.
  • Join a gym for one month, one with a swimming pool. Exercise more than is good for one person. Emerge at the end of the month with giant guns. Challenge all those who oppose me to arm wrestles. Win.
  • Go into business making gourmet cupcakes. Quit job.
  • Cram. Finish IT course in one month. Arrive back at work and demand promotion. Get dejected when I am rejected. Resign myself to life of monotony and subordinance.
  • Go to Peru. Climb to Macchu Piccu. Eat fried guinea pig. Probably die from allergic reaction (yes I am deathly allergic to guinea pigs. Last time I touched one, my throat closed up). Downside: expensive.
  • Write a novel. Upon completion, read through once more. Burn book.
  • Volunteer at a library. Show up every day, inducing all the paid employees to begin to whisper behind back about "that weird unpaid girl". Continue love affair with books unheeded.
  • Volunteer for scientific experiments. Get probed. Run on treadmills. Get wired. Get electrocuted. Answer questions. Be watched while I sleep. Take strange pills. Eventually, have hair fall out and skin begin to rash horribly. Gain large amounts of weight, vomit unknown purple things and grow a tail. Get paid splendidly.
  • Grow a tail.
  • Seek out an untrafficked river in rainforest preferably. Build hobbit house. Take you down to my place by the river. Feed you tea and oranges that come all the way from China. Wear rags and feathers from Salvation Army counters. You know that I'm half crazy but that's why you want to be there.
  • Grow a large amount of Venus fly trap plants. Feed them meat and blood. Re-enact Little Shop of Horrors much to the amusement of friends and neighbours.
  • Sell all possessions and clothes. Begin anew.
That's all I can think of for now. What would you do with a month off work?

"And Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water an
d he spent a long time watching from his lonely wooden tower. And when he knew for certain only drowning men could see him he said 'All men will be sailors then until the sea shall free them'. But he himself was broken long before the sky would open. Forsaken, almost human, he sank beneath your wisdom like a stone."


  1. 1. Put 5 or 6 hours a day into revising my novel rather than just 1 or 2

    2. Go to yoga in the morning AND in the evening

    3. Cook every single day

    4. read read read read read to my heart's content

    I know, very boring, but at this point, all I really want is time to write

  2. Not boring at all! For all my dreams, that's most likely exactly what I'd do too :)


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