January 31, 2009


I really shouldn't blog when I'm lonely...but sometimes I just want out of this, right now, more than anything.
I wish I wasn't so quick to get frustrated, angry, upset, raging.
I wish I could learn not to put myself through the shit that I do.
I wish I could keep friends and learn to stop sabotaging that by backing out to be by myself for another night.
I wish I had enough money that I could stop backing out for monetary reasons!
I wish I didn't get stupid ideas in my head - therefore bypassing that moment where I come to understand they're completely fucking ridiculous. Way to make a fool of yourself Tash.
I wish that when I let down my defenses, I'd stop getting burned.
I wish Mike Patton were here right now.
And that he had some salt and vinegar chips, a bottle of vodka and some large speakers.
Actually, I kinda wish I was in a club, dancing, with my eyes closed, and millions of people around me, and it's so loud my ears are ringing but at least I don't feel abandoned.


  1. Frankly, in this weather, who wouldn't want to stay inside?

    Anyway, what with the hermitage, imagination and relative poverty, I forsee a future for you as either the 11th Doctor or a distracted rabbit. Or the entire rennaissance, though it might be a bit late for that.

    Otherwise, find people who will pay to listen to your stupid ideas. This will solve both your problems. I recommend politics or talkback AM radio.

    Good friends stay around, no matter what you do. Take care of yourself.

  2. I feel like this a lot, too. But, I've realised that my real friends are the ones that don't get angry when I have to pike for whatever reason. They understand. I do need to stop being such a hermit, though. I'm caught between needing a lot of 'me' time, and being ronery. It's so easy to get caught in that trap...

    We should hang out IRL sometime (lolz) - get real drunk & go dancing, kareoke, anything that's a shitload of fun. x

  3. Ah, it's so annoying when you *think* that you need Me Time, and then you realise, hang on, now I'm just lonely.
    And it's weird, no one really gets angry at me for piking...they just seem to look down on me, if you get what I mean. Which is why I keep piking, because I sure do love to make people happy, and nothing makes someone happier than feeling superior to someone else.

    Anyways...I agree. We should hang out. Add me on msn!


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