December 13, 2008

Yeah, I'm a little bitter

Well I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away...

Shit housemates the world over, I curse your souls to hell.
In this post I am going to explain how incredibly easy it is to act like a mature person and live harmoniously in a house with other people. That is, if this were a perfect world and the other people lived the same way. Which is never the case. Because most people are fuckwits. Such is the folly that is sharehousing. So take heed, a few tips...

-We may be friends before moving in together. We may not be friends much longer after that. Granted, I will always consider you a friend, but I will forever disrespect you as a person once I see you at your darkest hour, in a pool of your own filth. Them's the breaks.
-Don't touch my stuff. Unless we've discussed it beforehand. Respect other people's possessions. I once had a housemate who repeatedly used my razor, even after me telling her not to. How does she know that I don't have AIDs? Srsly.
-Clean up after yourself when you cook. Does it really need to be said? Another housemate of mine liked to cook GIANT bowls of rice (my rice), then not eat any of it, and leave it in the fridge for weeks. Another point to this is that sometimes, there's only one bowl, or one pan, and when it's covered in mould from not being cleaned by the person who last used it, no one else can cook.
-It's safe to say, if you didn't buy it, don't fucking eat it.
-Parties on weeknights? Get a fucking job uni kids.
-It's seriously not that hard to clean. It takes half an hour at most. Oh I forgot that you had to spend that time sitting on the couch staring at the TV that's not even turned on.
-No, you don't need to download 50 games per week. Once again you've put us over the download limit. No it's okay, we enjoy dial-up speeds. No, really.
-TAKE OUT THE BIN. DEAR GOD, JUST TAKE IT OUT. You know what happens when you don't take out the bin? Maggots.

Above all, and encompassing all these things, is just be considerate to your housemates and take some fucking responsibility for yourself and your home. Because that's what it is. A home. Maybe to you it's a hotel, or a place to hold parties and occasionally sleep, or leave all your belongings at, but for the rest of us, it's a home, and we have to live here all the time. My parents live too far away for me to run away to.

I apologise for the massive vent this post has turned into, but I'm fucking bitter, and I think more people need to know this. I've had so many shit housemates. Sometimes I think I'm uptight, but I know there's others out there who have the same problem. It's just that the majority of people in sharehouses AREN'T that kind of person. My conclusion from all this?
I was meant to live alone with 50 cats.

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