You ugly

It seems people everywhere have been talking lately about what it is to be ugly.
Hack on TripleJ this week has been doing shows about Body and Beauty - this afternoon I got to listen to a guy talk about how much it sucks being an ugly person. Which, it seems, wasn't much of a deal for him. At one point he said "yeah, in high school I was the ugly guy and it was just accepted and we got on with it". I'm looking forward to the rest of the week's episodes. Here's a linky to the Hack page, they usually post the shows after a couple of days.
I stumbled upon this great documentary called Too Ugly For Love, which is about Body dysmorphic disorder, which I had only heard of briefly before. It must be an absolutely terrible way to live, and I'm sure it's hard on partners and friends of people with BDD as well. Check out the doco - it's frustrating to watch, as these are people who just plain believe above all that they are ugly, but fret and worry and obsess over it.
A friend of mine wrote a fantastic post called The Definition of Ugly, where she talks about how she is not conventionally pretty, and then follows it up with a totally awesome, inspiring post called The Definition of Beautiful about how she is fucking gorgeous. Cause she is.
Then there was the finale of Australia's Biggest Loser sometime recently (I don't know, I don't watch TV, I don't have an antenna, it's great) and I was compelled to look at all the before and after photos of these people.
And ugh, if that wasn't enough to make me barf, the most-viewed galleries on my regular news sites were galleries of the Miss Universe Australia and Cleo Bachelor of the Year competitions, cause we all sure do love rewarding people for being pretty.
With all this beauty-talk floating around I turned where I always turn in these times when I want to think about something: to Wikipedia. And boy does the article have some truthful and funny quotes. Let's see what we've got here shall we?

"Despite the existence of universally agreed upon signs of beauty in both genders, both heterosexual and homosexual men tend to place significantly higher value on physical appearance in a partner than women do."
This reminded me of a conversation with my coworker the other day. He asked me how many 'categories' girls make up for men - you know, hot, cute, etc. I was up for some heady generalising and I came up with about 5 - Ugly, Average, Cute, Hot, Handsome. I added that although a guy may be ugly, that's no indicator that he won't pick up if he's nice or funny or interesting or intelligent. I then asked how many categories girls have.
The answer? I'd-Fuck-You or I-Wouldn't. There's also a small in-between section called Come-Back-In-A-Few-Drinks.
How many 'ugly' guys do you see with hot chicks? Plenty.
Now think about how many 'ugly' chicks you see with hot guys.

Back to wiki - on Build being a determinant of male attractiveness:
"...Western men have a tendency to overestimate the amount of muscle considered ideal by women..."
Hehe. This just reminds me of those guys I see walking to the gym with their stupid Fitness First bags and they can't put their arms straight by their sides, and they're wearing singlets. Singlets should never be worn by men. I hope they know that.

Oh this one is lovely - Breast size as an indicator of female attractiveness. Note that the section for female attractiveness is so much larger than the one for males. Because that's how you're being judged dear.
"Large breasts have also been shown to be attractive to men in Western societies, with the explanation that larger breasts will more explicitly show the aging process, hence an "honest" indicator of fertility."
So when your boobs start to sag, it's time to trade her in for a shiny new one. I love how pretty much every single guy I've ever known, when it's come to the "breast size" conversation has said with a straight face, "I only like as much as my hand can hold", yet you never yell and whoop and loudly point out the small-chested girl walking down the street, SmallHands Joe. But I guess it's okay to make a big deal out of someone's boobs when they're huge. It's not like they would be there unless she wanted you to see them right! Huh, am I right?! Cause they're on the front of her like that, she just WANTS you to look at them! Hey, she's not looking, cop a feel!
I'm really glad I don't have big boobs. I have heard some pretty fucking depressing stories from my big-breasted sisteren. At least I can hide mine with a jumper.

Body mass & body structure: "...it should be noted that, in the United States, women overestimate men's preferences for thinness in a mate"
Wouldn't you say this is because it is constantly being shoved down our throats that we HAVE to be thin to be beautiful? What the fuck else are you supposed to think when that's what you are told your entire life? I'd like to let it be known that it only occurred to me about two months ago that my stomach was not fat because it sticks out a little in line with my hips. Because that's where my organs are! I'd just never ever seen a photo of a celebrity with the same stomach as me. I'd also like to let it be known that my legs are short and round and super muscular. So are a lot of other girls' I know. One time, someone I considered a friend pointed to one of my girl-friends with the same legs as me and said "Man every time I see her all I can hear in my head is "THUNDER". Yeah I get it. Thunder thighs. Thank you. I'm super confident now. I'm just glad she didn't hear.

Ooh...the article also brings youthfulness and fecundity into it, confirming everyone's fears that you get ugly and useless as you get older. Since you're constantly getting older, wouldn't you just be getting uglier minute by minute?
"...a preference of neotenic and youthful-appearing features. Full lips, clear, smooth skin, clear eyes, lustrous hair, and good muscle tone are all viewed as attractive in women."
Then it also goes into some stuff about female attractiveness based on hair, including body hair, and reaffirms all that crap we've been through before in here about dudes not liking your body hair you filthy gorilla-she-wolf. So we're bringing it all back to the "paedomorphic characteristics" desired in women by males, which unless you need me to spell that out for you, is disturbing. I know a lot of guys who really do prefer girls who look very young. Wikipedia says here: "As men age, they also desire a larger age gap from their mates".

Veering off a little on the whole body hair thing, considering it seems to be a huge trend in the past couple of years, if it hasn't been happening since time immemorial, that dudes don't like your pubes, can I just say this... I hate when the discussion of "to shave or not to shave" comes up and women pull out the defense "I'm a full grown woman, I don't want to look like a pre-pubescent girl down there". I'm going to posit that shaving is not a matter of me wanting to look like a pre-pubescent girl. I'm also really hoping that the people I have slept with who prefer shaved pubes are also not into the "pre-pubescent" look for the sole reason that, "hey dude, heh, it looks like I'm sleeping with a 12 year old. Hawt."
It's for comfort. I don't count the existence of hair on my snatch as the miraculous proof that I Am A Lady. You can continue to not shave. But don't call me any less of a woman cause I do.

Anyway, all this thinking about vagina has led me on the obvious path to thinking about James Franco, so I'll leave you all with some happy thoughts.

Dear James Franco:
I had a dream about you this morning and it was very sexual, and I'm hoping that you think that's okay and if you do, do you maybe feel the same way, and if you do, would you like to get together for coffee sometime?
Love Tash

Bitterblog

I'm a little confused and not sure how to feel about something, so I'd like some input. I would like to know why it's an accepted norm in society that dudes go to strip clubs. Perhaps I should clarify - I know guys want to look at naked chicks. I can sort of understand that single guys would want to go and spend money to sexually objectify women. If you're single, go the fuck ahead. I have no problem with strippers, in fact power to them, cause they're taking your money. You're still objectifying them, but they're the ones gaining in the end.
What I don't see is how guys in relationships would think it's okay to go to strip clubs. I could be just an extremely jealous and possessive person* but...if you've got me at home, and I'm naked, and I'm free and you actually get to touch me...what the FUCK are you doing in a strip club? Please, someone enlighten me?
I don't feel that this applies to burlesque shows though. I would gladly go to a burlesque show any day of the week, it's art, it's a performance. I guess that what I hate is the mindset of guys going to a strip club (or a burlesque show) - you're not going to appreciate someone as a person, you're going to stare at boobs and revel in your caveman ideal.

How about you take all the time you spend appreciating strippers and those hours you spend watching porn and invest it in appreciating MY female form. It's called FOREPLAY GODDAMIT.
I'm allowed to watch hours of porn cause I have more than one 'go' in me.



And in case you're one of those people who get all of your sexual knowledge from porn, watch this, then try again. And again. And again. Practice makes perfect.



The French call orgasms le petit mort - the little death. Each orgasm brings your soul a little closer to Hades! So please...kill me.

I hope you enjoyed this blog, brought to you by my sexual frustration. Thanks for reading Mum!

Sexsexsexsex

So...SEXPO! It was GREAT! Mum, please stop reading now. If you want.

I got all dolled up after work, went to meet my friends for some drinks beforehand and then we headed in. As you enter, sexy chicks in very few clothes and large muscled men also in very few clothes hand you a free DVD of porn and a magazine, so if you buy nothing else, at least you'll come away with something. I haven't watched/read either yet, but my friend Sharnee says it's just standard low-production-value girl-on-girl bore, so I might give it a miss. Anyone want some free porn?

Sexpo was held at the Southbank Convention Centre, so obviously it's freaking huge. To the left is a big stage and a few grandstand type seats surrounding it where they had strippers doing shows and whatnot - I didn't get much of a chance to watch, too many people packed in. To the right of the room at the far end there was a beach volleyball set up, the 'Laporium' lapdance area and also a little cordoned off room where a friend of mine played strip poker. And in the middle of all this were the STORES!
I would like to say "I saw things there I have never seen before"....but I'd be lying to you, because I've seen a lot. I didn't get to take any photos inside the event, sorry guys, but here's a photo of the stash I came away with, and me looking very happy with it.

Click to enlarge ;)

A lot of the stores had really great "showbag" deals - most for under $50. That's what I ended up purchasing - it contained that long purple vibrator to the right which is honestly the coolest thing I've ever seen...or used (it's self-penetrating), a vibrating cock ring, another cockring with a bullet and remote control, a pack of batteries, a squirt gun in the shape of a penis, a penis keyring, a cum towel and some fuzzy handcuffs - all for $50. Total bargain. The vibrator alone would usually cost something like $80 I'd say.
Also in the picture is the purple Rock Chick in the bottom left corner - I've been wanting one of these for AGES and yes, it's as good as they say. That cost me $100. You can get them on femplay.com for $116.95 - quick hit, femplay is actually quite a cheap Australian site with great (discreet) fast postage, you always get a free gift, and if you write a review for one of their toys like I did, you get a 10% discount next time you order!
The other two things I bought were that big metal pole with restraints on either side which I thought was way too cool to pass up - that was $30. And also just that blue bottle of toy cleaner (essential). So...I'm...well stocked for now.

As for the rest of the stores, there was a lot of the same thing around - lots of stores with same ol' cute costumes, LOTS of vibrators, lube everywhere. There was a huge range of prices vibrators though, everything from bargain- bin $10 ones all the way up to $300 chiq ones. I think it was Four Seasons that had a stall with just condoms, and strangely they didn't have much of a range from what I could see. Then there were the hardcore stores where you just stared open-mouthed at the giant black double-enders or the massive whips and things that you only see in your sexy sexy nightmares. Also, Pricasso was there, painting pictures with his ween.

The store that I couldn't stay away from though was called Merci Toys, and I've got a catalogue here that's so colourful and pretty and I wish you could see, but I just went to their website and it's entirely in Japanese. So if you can read Japanese or just wanna look at pretty pictures go HERE to check out their toys, my favourite of which seems to be a rip off of the fabled Hitachi Magic Wand. Now...I've never used one...but it's legendary. And Merci's rip off named the Fairy was pretty amazing. That's all I have to say about that.

Last but not least I'd like to round this post out by saying that I've become a voting member of the Australian Sex Party - Australia's newest political party. They are "for personal freedoms and sexual rights". You can have a read of their policies here, but definitely check out their whole site, it's pretty interesting. I know it's a fringe party at the moment but...I like it, hopefully it will grow to something awesome. And I got a free shirt that says I Love Sex. And seriously, who doesn't?

Chick Porn

I have recently kind of fallen in love with blogger Violet Blue @ tinynibbles.com
She is a sex blogger, podcaster, vlogger, author, lecturer, all-round badass. I've been going through her podcasts like it's going out of style - she has an EXCELLENT voice. Her podcasts range from informational sex stuff - I just listened to a somewhat scientific one about the G-Spot - to her reading erotica excerpts. Can't wait to have some more money so I can actually afford to buy some of her books/audiobooks.

I haven't really ever gotten into porn or erotica, always being on a networked/family computer and whatnot. When I was younger I got a virus on my computer and it was, uh, duh, embarassing.
So now I'm sort of edging back into it - I still think that visual porn is not for me, but that could be because I don't know what to look for - or am confused as to what I should be looking for. Most mainstream porn I see is so manufactured and boring - with overtones of the female in pain - "Oh fuck me harder, yeah you like that bitch". Then on the other end, the only other porn I ever see is marketed to fetishists, of which I am not - or at least I don't know if I am.

Here's an excerpt from a book I just finished reading, The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. It resonated enough with me and how I feel about sexuality, that I had to mark it out.

"The books and films they see survey from the young boy's point of view his first touch of a girl's thighs, his first glimpse of her breasts. The girls sit listening, absorbing, their familiar breasts estranged as if they were not part of their bodies, their thighs crossed self-consciously, learning how to leave their bodies and watch them from the outside. Since their bodies are seen from the point of view of strangeness and desire, it is no wonder that would should be familiar, felt to be whole, becomes estranged and divided into parts. What little girls learn is not the desire for the other, but the desire to be desired. Girls learn to watch their sex along with the boys; that takes up the space that should be devoted to finding out about what they are wanting, and reading and writing about it, seeking and getting it. Sex is held hostage by beauty and its ransom terms are engraved in girls' minds early and deeply with instruments more beautiful than those which advertisers or pornographers know how to use: literature, poetry, painting and film."

And here's excerpt from another book I'm reading, Female Chauvinist Pigs by Ariel Levy. It's a pretty accurate reason as to why I find most porn boring.

"Sex workers are workers. They are having sex, just as strippers are stripping and centerfolds are posing, because they are paid to, not because they are in the mood to.... For the rest of us who are lucky or industrious enough to make a living doing other things, sex is supposed to be something we do for pleasure or an expression of love. The best erotic role models, then, would seem to be the women who get the most pleasure out of sex, not the women who make the most money for it."

Sorry for all the excerpts in this post, but those are two I wanted to share and promote a little thought/awareness to this. People masturbate, people have fantasies, people have sex, it's all cool.
To end on a happy note, here's some literotica!